I’ve always dreamed of running away to sit atop a mountain in some remote locale and reaching enlightenment. Then reality would remind me that is not really on option. Finding a way to bring the ashram here is the goal now. Buddha, on returning home from his transformational journey, was asked by his wife if he had to retreat, leaving his wife and child behind, in order to become enlightened. Buddha answered that, looking back, he could have stayed at home, for the journey was not one of the world, but of the heart.

It is easy to think that if this changed, or that was different, or if I could just get away for a while, everything would change. But it is the change within that creates the new experiences. To look to the outside for the change is like looking in a puddle for the whale. Its just not the right place.

Mediation this week has focused on noticing the internal language we all have. Is it positive thoughts, critical, negative, draining?  How much energy are we giving to these thoughts? When you are able to detach yourself from your thoughts and watch them pass like clouds in the sky, you begin to notice where you are putting your mental energy. Once you notice this, you are faced with a choice. Am I going to continue this way, or do I decide to try something else?

It didn’t take me very long to decide that some shifts were needed in my internal language. I was sitting in the parking lot of Kinko’s, getting ready to make copies of a flier I had created about my newest service. Yet up came the internal criticism. “You can’t do that! Who would want to see you? You’re not good enough” and on and on and on it went until I was nearly in tears. Then I remembered the work of this week. Right there I told myself to shut up. I decided turn that energy to positive thoughts instead. I know this will be a process. But, like the first time you stand up to a bully and they are speechless, so too has my internal nay-sayer been stunned for the moment. I know more work is needed, that I will need to continue to stand up to my own inner bully. But it’s a start.

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